I’m here again, thanks to jet lag, I have missed the writing so. I often think of the pyramid of basic needs that we all learnt about at school, I think it goes something like food, sleep, love, etc. I wonder sometimes why choice is not on there.
Out of all the things in dealing with Roki’s program I have to deal with not having choices anymore, or at least I thought I didn’t have. Perhaps jet lags helps to reset the mind in some way, clear the cobwebs and do a kind of spring clean of emotions you can become bogged down with. Suddenly I think that not being able to choose when I have my only tea break in the day and for how long is not so bad, I can still choose what biscuit to eat in half a second or how many sugars I want, that’s something.
It sounds mad but I think I am beginning to accept that those trivial choices in life are what we chose not to have anymore when we took the road less travelled with Roki. We chose to help him and in doing so we lost our freedom of choice but gained so much more in return. He didn’t choose to loose his life the way it should’ve been, why should I then even consider feeling sorry for myself when I have not many choices. The task of training my mind not to become bogged down with it all seems less exhausting now, thanks to you my boy, I keep learning from you.
Chance is another one that keeps a knocking on the door when I am trying to sleep. So many many incidents have happened to us since we started this journey, people we have met that have shaped his life, helped us, days and days of rain and then one perfect day on the day of his car show or garage sale, so many many times have I asked myself, what if I didn’t meet that person, where would Roki be if we didn’t have certain people in his life? The list is long of incidents like these, they simply cannot be by chance. People come into Roki’s life for a reason, he came into our lives for a reason.
This brings me to change. Dave and I often talk (when we have a few crazy seconds!) about how different our lives are now, yes, there is the very sad side of it but what about the rest, the rest being about 2 thirds of this rokiroad bar that resembles our lives. There is not a day that goes by where we don’t learn something new from Roki or the situation we are in, we see everything differently and most of all we feel so incredibly blessed that we have met so many many people who want to help Roki, who follow his story, who fly the flag for our boy.
So there you go, choice, chance and change. Of course, I can think that I’d rather not be the mother typing this blog, I’d rather be up there above the surface with the rest of the normal world. That’s a difficult one to ponder about.