I like reading Frankie magazine, it’s frank and it has swear words in it, that makes it feel more real. Trouble is its just staring at me as I have no time to sit and read on the loo, the obvious choice of place to read in our house. So tonight I locked myself in the bathroom and whilst having my second glass of wine which a) I shouldn’t do because I’m breastfeeding and b) I shouldn’t do because all the other jobs that I’m not doing are going to be there in the morning or have to be done by Dave. How good does it feel to drink two glasses of wine, I have forgotten. So I opened my beloved Frankie mag and the single sentence typed on a white page stared at me, Hello there, so what have you done in the last 12 months? What. Is this a joke I’m trying to unwind and here is a single sentence that reconnects me with what is going on outside the bathroom door, crap! Very crossly I began to read a 20 point summary of some famous person of what they have done in the last 12 months. It was hilarious, well, at least to me it was as everything they did I could probably fit into a day and have some time to spare, nevertheless none of it was boring so I kept on reading pretending that I could be the one thinking that eating more tomatoes and cucumbers is worthy of making my all time 20 things I did this year list. I just couldn’t resist the temptation of having a go myself at writing my own 20 point list, I just hope that Frankie never stumble across it or perhaps they could write an alternative version for us alternative folk that live down here on the ocean floor while the rest of the world swim along on the surface, I’m sure there would be a lot of copies sold!
1.I used the words I’m a pensioner more than 10 times, my husband says he’s married to the best looking pensioner
2. I swept my porch once instead of once a day
3. I tried to persuade Hugh Jackman to notice Roki’s story, failed.
4. I tried to write to Oprah, failed
5. My pet goat Fancy Nancy made it onto national TV
6. I opened the door to channel 9 at 8am in the morning, still in pajamas
7. I got scammed by a stranger, big time
8. I watched as a community helped us raise over $100k
9. I took my whole family to India and America, not on holiday
10. I held my boy tight while he has seizures, hundreds of them, trying to find a way to help him ease the pain
11. I missed my mother’s 80th birthday
12. I told my three year old more than ten times a day that I don’t have time, I will play with you later
13. I accepted hanging the washing as down time, I actually look forward to my 5 minutes out of the house
14. I cried for my boy. I laughed with my Dave. I hugged Ruby tight. I made space in my heart for Rosie
15. I missed the chance to pull the wedding dress over my best friends head, I tried to make up for it in my speech
16. I took the chance of dancing for hours at her wedding whilst 8 months pregnant
17. I had a baby and didn’t know what to call her
18. I begged for help
19. I opened my door to over 60 strangers and asked them to help my boy, I watch them return to my doorstep every week
20. I ran out of space to list the things that I have done this year. I was just getting started. Go on humour me and publish that Frankie.