In the twelve hours after Roki’s birth I heard so many things from so many medical professionals, mostly I just saw their lips moving really as the sadness in me just couldn’t subside enough to understand or listen what they had to say. I do remember one conversation though, a woman doctor came in and bluntly said that in your case we don’t recommend any more children, and in fact, we are not even sure if it will be possible for you. You should be happy that you are alive and have two children. I will send someone to talk to you about family planning. Tick, she got that one off her list early morning before I could even get the strength to go and see Roki for the first time after they took him away from us. Was I thinking of having more children then? Certainly not. But someone telling you that you should not and may not have any more is not something you want to hear twelve hours after your son suffered the most horrendous start to life.
A few weeks later the obstetrician who saved Roki’s life came and saw me. He said that in all of his years of practice he had never seen anything like what had happened to me and Roki. A complete rupture of previous c section scar is incredibly rare and what’s more, the mother usually suffers a haemorrhage, runs a risk of a life threatening blood infection, mother and baby don’t usually make it our alive. In our case, he continued, there was no bleeding which he could not really explain and he was able to sew everything back together as if it were just a usual c section. Therefor, having more children should not be an issue in his mind, but of course, the question is if we will cope and find the time.
And so it is that early in February we got the news of number three, you can imagine our response, stunned rabbits on the couch. How will we cope, what will we do? Was it planned? Certainly not, but in our hearts yes, we always wanted to fill our home with as much love as possible. Will we have less time for Roki? Certainly not, we will love all our children with all we have but Roki, he is our hurt child and he will always come first. We are not sure how we will cope, like anything else on this journey we are on, you never know how it is possible and then help comes in some form or way.
We cannot think of a better way to heal our boy, with more love and laughter surrounding him.
We will welcome number three to Team Roki early November. Number three, our little surprise who was always meant to be.
I dedicate this blog to my mother who begged my father for just one more child, then continued to have a very difficult pregnancy with me as she nursed her heavily overweight mother in law. My father said that if I survive it was meant to be, if I don’t well then so be it. My mother knew that number seven was meant to be and fought to keep me alive in the months after my birth.
Happy Mother’s Day Mamma, I promise to come home soon, with number three who was meant to be!